Coming up with our son's name has proven to be more difficult than I ever thought it would be. It's a lot of responsibility; it's your child's identity, their brand. It could affect the way people perceive them, first impressions, and whether they get a second call or not. It's important. And everybody has an opinion - whether you want to hear it or not. And each new parent seems to have their own tactic for choosing the right name for their child.
There are family names, which makes it easy, because it's pretty much done for you.
Or, if your best buddy lost an eye to shrapnel saving you from an explosion; again, the name has been chosen for you.
Otherwise, people set parameters. Some people want a traditional or biblical name. Some people want to emulate a celebrity or one of their heroes. Others prefer something cool or trendy. Victoria and I wanted a name that was uncommon, but not unusual. Unique, but not weird. Not traditional and not trendy. Whatever it turned out to be, we would spell it correctly. Those were our parameters. I'll give you some examples of what I'm talking about. We considered several names including Sawyer, Reid, Finn, and Lincoln, but ultimately chose Holden. We feel that it's a strong name, masculine; uncommon but not unusual. People will remember it, remember him.
It's unique in that it's a name that is familiar to people because they've heard it before, but few people know anyone personally with that as their first name. People know of William Holden, but the most famous person with the first name of Holden is a fictional character - Holden Caulfield of J.D. Salinger's, Catcher in the Rye. I won't get into a character critique or psychoanalysis of Holden Caulfield right now; our Holden was not named after him, he's simply the most notable person who bears that as a first name.
Then there's the middle name!
Once you've chosen a name, you look at all of it's possible variations; what nickname would people use, how can it be made fun of, what do the initials spell, would it work while he's young and as an adult, etc., etc.
The funny thing is, once the baby is born, people stop sharing their negative opinions, because now they're not insulting a choice you made, their insulting your kid. And that's just not nice.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
The Classes
So, we've taken several classes lately that are informative, graphic, and scary as hell. They teach us all about feeding, latching, crying, bleeding, things to detect, how not to neglect, what to expect, cutting cords, cutting foreskin, episiotomies, vacuum extraction, forceps, and I've heard more about breasts and vaginas in the last six weeks than I did for two years in my fraternity house!
Most of the educational videos we've watched were apparently shot in the 70's. They feature regular folks going through some extraordinary events. The cameras follow these people through hours of painful labor, crying, screaming, freaked out dads, and you watch every moment of these babies coming out from every angle. Now, I'm no prude, but I don't know what they told (or paid) these people to have them agree to cameras in their faces watching every moment of this. There's something to be said for privacy; this is an intensely intimate experience. The whole thing is crazy.
A thought occured to me that the babies born to the various couples we've seen in these videos are now mostly in their 30's. I started laughing out loud in class when I imagined one of these kids, hand-in-hand with his pregnant wife, sitting down in their birthing class to watch an educational video about how babies are born, when all of a sudden..."Uh, mom?" "That's my MOM!!!" "Shut it off! Shut it off! Shut it off!"
Most of the educational videos we've watched were apparently shot in the 70's. They feature regular folks going through some extraordinary events. The cameras follow these people through hours of painful labor, crying, screaming, freaked out dads, and you watch every moment of these babies coming out from every angle. Now, I'm no prude, but I don't know what they told (or paid) these people to have them agree to cameras in their faces watching every moment of this. There's something to be said for privacy; this is an intensely intimate experience. The whole thing is crazy.
A thought occured to me that the babies born to the various couples we've seen in these videos are now mostly in their 30's. I started laughing out loud in class when I imagined one of these kids, hand-in-hand with his pregnant wife, sitting down in their birthing class to watch an educational video about how babies are born, when all of a sudden..."Uh, mom?" "That's my MOM!!!" "Shut it off! Shut it off! Shut it off!"
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Advice
These are some words of advice that I have compiled for the last few years, with intentions to hand them down to my son. Some are original, some stolen, some more important than others, all from the heart.
Know all the rules before you try to break any of them.
When all else fails, go with your gut.
Read the book.
Don't forget about what's really important in life.
There's always room for ice cream.
Always look over your shoulder before changing lanes.
Be proactive.
Prioritize.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Integrity is everything.
Like it or not, you will be judged by the company you keep, the clothes you wear, and the words you say.
Pay your bills on time. (Always)
Nothing good can come from smoking.
Learn to speak confidently in front of an audience.
Keep a travel journal.
(Don't write anything in it that would embarrass you.)
Exercise.
Maintain perspective.
Plan to be spontaneous.
Believe in something.
Savor the moment.
Listen.
There is no courage without fear.
Conquer your fears.
Your parents are smarter than you think.
Laugh.
Visit Venice, Italy with someone you love.
Do what you love; money will follow.
Confidence is encouraged; arrogance is annoying.
Learn how to drive a stick-shift.
Rely on no-one but yourself.
Ride the big rides.
Be nice.
Remember: love is also a verb.
Read the fine print.
Begin with the end in mind.
Invest a portion of your money as soon as you get it.
Never stop learning.
Warm apple pie up before eating it.
Share.
Treat old people with kindness.
Treat all people with respect.
Defend those who need defending.
Be on time.
Ask.
Know how to change a flat tire.
Expect the best; plan for the worst.
Confront problems immediately.
Write "Thank You" notes.
Make criticism constructive.
Follow the assignment.
If you don't like the taste of something - try adding cheese or chocolate.
Take pictures.
Keep records.
Put it in writing.
Don't believe everything you read.
Vote.
Donate time and/or money.
Pray.
Give blood.
Prepare.
Be spontaneous.
Hug your mom. Frequently.
Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right.
Consider your options carefully before making a decision; then, once you make a decision, make it the right decision.
Stand up for yourself, but don't be a bully.
Put the toilet seat down.
Give up your seat to women and old people.
Don't drink alcohol while doing business.
Wear your seatbelt.
Ask why.
Exude confidence.
Overtip good service.
Drink a lot of water.
Avoid lawsuits - on either side.
Don't gossip.
Smile.
Nothing is fair. Accept it.
Don't blame traffic. Plan for traffic.
Maintain contact with friends even after they move.
Have a dictionary handy.
After receiving particularly good or particularly bad service, tell a supervisor.
Be an organ donor.
Make a list of things you want to do before you die.
Carry it with you.
Remember that people like to do business with people who are doing business.
Remove your sunglasses indoors.
Put your keys, wallet, and watch in the same place everyday.
The first person who loses their temper, loses the argument.
Learn to sew on a button.
Keep a flashlight handy.
Learn a couple of good card tricks.
If a restaurant or cafe has an outdoor patio, eat on the patio.
Read the directions.
Don't react; Respond.
Carry your business card.
Buy things from kids raising money.
Have a hero.
Be a hero.
Take family vacations. The memories are priceless.
When complimented, simply say "Thank you."
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Have a firm handshake.
Take care of your teeth.
If possible, talk your way out of a fight. Otherwise, hit harder than the other guy.
Return anything you borrow.
Treat people the way they would like to be treated.
Know how to change a flat tire.
Remember people's names. Use them a lot.
Visit Washington D.C.
Don't quit a job until you've lined up another.
Do business with people who do business with you.
Carry jumper cables and a flashlight in your car.
Avoid approaching horses and restaurants from the rear.
Only loan something to a friend if you're okay to not get it back. Even money.
Check for toilet paper before sitting down.
Learn to juggle.
Watch the movie, "Regarding Henry.
"Work, Live, Dance, Love. Work like you own the company. Live like there's no tomorrow. Dance like there's nobody watching. Love like you've never been hurt.
Walk it off.
Keep your promises.
Remember that winners make it a habit of doing things that failures don't like to do. (The winners don't like doing them either, but their disliking is subordinate to the strength of their purpose.)
If a test question includes the word "always" or "never," the answer is usually "false."
Actively participate in classes and meetings.
If you never fail, you're not trying hard enough.
Understand the difference between respect and fear. (Stay away from people who don't undertand that difference.)
Invest in Real Estate.
When you take a document to someone to be signed, bring a pen.
Two foes will come together to defeat a common enemy.
Take walks.
Stand for something.
Take pride in your work.
When dressing up, choose socks to match your pants or your shoes, not your shirt.
You can't win if you don't play.
Create long-term and short-term goals. They should be SMART. Specific, measureable, attainable, realistic, timely.
Write down all of your goals, refer back to them daily.
Always have enough money in the bank to cover three months expenses.
Put money away for later.
Learn another language.
Learn to play an instrument.
Backpack thru Europe.
Ask her to dance.
Hold things so that your hand won't be in the way if the knife slips.
Your word is your bond.But where the other guy is concerned, get it in writing.
Don't swing if it's not in the strike zone. If it is, swing hard.
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
If you're young and not liberal, you don't have a heart.If you're old and not conservative, you don't have a brain.
It's better to want something you don't have, than to have something you don't want.
If, by Rudyard Kipling -
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look to good, nor talk to wise.
If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master,
If you can think --- and not make your thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same,
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken
And stoop and build them up with worn-out tools,
If you can make one heap of all your winnings,
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss,
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: "Hold On!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue
Or walk with Kings nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes are loving fiends can hurt you,
If all men count with you but none too much;
If you can fill in the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And which is more --- you'll be Man, my son!
Know all the rules before you try to break any of them.
When all else fails, go with your gut.
Read the book.
Don't forget about what's really important in life.
There's always room for ice cream.
Always look over your shoulder before changing lanes.
Be proactive.
Prioritize.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
Integrity is everything.
Like it or not, you will be judged by the company you keep, the clothes you wear, and the words you say.
Pay your bills on time. (Always)
Nothing good can come from smoking.
Learn to speak confidently in front of an audience.
Keep a travel journal.
(Don't write anything in it that would embarrass you.)
Exercise.
Maintain perspective.
Plan to be spontaneous.
Believe in something.
Savor the moment.
Listen.
There is no courage without fear.
Conquer your fears.
Your parents are smarter than you think.
Laugh.
Visit Venice, Italy with someone you love.
Do what you love; money will follow.
Confidence is encouraged; arrogance is annoying.
Learn how to drive a stick-shift.
Rely on no-one but yourself.
Ride the big rides.
Be nice.
Remember: love is also a verb.
Read the fine print.
Begin with the end in mind.
Invest a portion of your money as soon as you get it.
Never stop learning.
Warm apple pie up before eating it.
Share.
Treat old people with kindness.
Treat all people with respect.
Defend those who need defending.
Be on time.
Ask.
Know how to change a flat tire.
Expect the best; plan for the worst.
Confront problems immediately.
Write "Thank You" notes.
Make criticism constructive.
Follow the assignment.
If you don't like the taste of something - try adding cheese or chocolate.
Take pictures.
Keep records.
Put it in writing.
Don't believe everything you read.
Vote.
Donate time and/or money.
Pray.
Give blood.
Prepare.
Be spontaneous.
Hug your mom. Frequently.
Whether you think you can, or think you can't, you're right.
Consider your options carefully before making a decision; then, once you make a decision, make it the right decision.
Stand up for yourself, but don't be a bully.
Put the toilet seat down.
Give up your seat to women and old people.
Don't drink alcohol while doing business.
Wear your seatbelt.
Ask why.
Exude confidence.
Overtip good service.
Drink a lot of water.
Avoid lawsuits - on either side.
Don't gossip.
Smile.
Nothing is fair. Accept it.
Don't blame traffic. Plan for traffic.
Maintain contact with friends even after they move.
Have a dictionary handy.
After receiving particularly good or particularly bad service, tell a supervisor.
Be an organ donor.
Make a list of things you want to do before you die.
Carry it with you.
Remember that people like to do business with people who are doing business.
Remove your sunglasses indoors.
Put your keys, wallet, and watch in the same place everyday.
The first person who loses their temper, loses the argument.
Learn to sew on a button.
Keep a flashlight handy.
Learn a couple of good card tricks.
If a restaurant or cafe has an outdoor patio, eat on the patio.
Read the directions.
Don't react; Respond.
Carry your business card.
Buy things from kids raising money.
Have a hero.
Be a hero.
Take family vacations. The memories are priceless.
When complimented, simply say "Thank you."
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Have a firm handshake.
Take care of your teeth.
If possible, talk your way out of a fight. Otherwise, hit harder than the other guy.
Return anything you borrow.
Treat people the way they would like to be treated.
Know how to change a flat tire.
Remember people's names. Use them a lot.
Visit Washington D.C.
Don't quit a job until you've lined up another.
Do business with people who do business with you.
Carry jumper cables and a flashlight in your car.
Avoid approaching horses and restaurants from the rear.
Only loan something to a friend if you're okay to not get it back. Even money.
Check for toilet paper before sitting down.
Learn to juggle.
Watch the movie, "Regarding Henry.
"Work, Live, Dance, Love. Work like you own the company. Live like there's no tomorrow. Dance like there's nobody watching. Love like you've never been hurt.
Walk it off.
Keep your promises.
Remember that winners make it a habit of doing things that failures don't like to do. (The winners don't like doing them either, but their disliking is subordinate to the strength of their purpose.)
If a test question includes the word "always" or "never," the answer is usually "false."
Actively participate in classes and meetings.
If you never fail, you're not trying hard enough.
Understand the difference between respect and fear. (Stay away from people who don't undertand that difference.)
Invest in Real Estate.
When you take a document to someone to be signed, bring a pen.
Two foes will come together to defeat a common enemy.
Take walks.
Stand for something.
Take pride in your work.
When dressing up, choose socks to match your pants or your shoes, not your shirt.
You can't win if you don't play.
Create long-term and short-term goals. They should be SMART. Specific, measureable, attainable, realistic, timely.
Write down all of your goals, refer back to them daily.
Always have enough money in the bank to cover three months expenses.
Put money away for later.
Learn another language.
Learn to play an instrument.
Backpack thru Europe.
Ask her to dance.
Hold things so that your hand won't be in the way if the knife slips.
Your word is your bond.But where the other guy is concerned, get it in writing.
Don't swing if it's not in the strike zone. If it is, swing hard.
“Nothing in this world can take the place of persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful people with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan "press on" has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.”
If you're young and not liberal, you don't have a heart.If you're old and not conservative, you don't have a brain.
It's better to want something you don't have, than to have something you don't want.
If, by Rudyard Kipling -
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look to good, nor talk to wise.
If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master,
If you can think --- and not make your thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same,
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken
And stoop and build them up with worn-out tools,
If you can make one heap of all your winnings,
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss,
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: "Hold On!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue
Or walk with Kings nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes are loving fiends can hurt you,
If all men count with you but none too much;
If you can fill in the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds worth of distance run
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And which is more --- you'll be Man, my son!
A positive test.
"Honey...honey...wake up. Honey..." The lamp on my nightstand shocks me into bleary eyed alertness.
The room is warm and humid. I grab my glasses to focus on my wife's face. Concern? Excitement? It's 2:30am and she's holding a plastic wand in her hand.
"...it's positive!"
Huh?
"Look. It's positive!"
Awake now, I know how badly Victoria has been wanting to get pregnant. I don't want her to be disappointed if the test turns out to be wrong, so I slip into Realistic Rob, almost negative, "Before we get too excited, we should be sure. It could be wrong."
The second one was postive too. And so was the third. We were pregnant.
Victoria and I had met nearly ten years before that night at a hospital - when a mutual friend was having a baby. A little boy. A little boy who, nowadays, isn't all that little.
After six years of dating we finally got married. We both knew that we wanted children. It was a regular topic of conversation. Kids, vacations, and how was your day. Victoria definitely wanted more than one. She attributes her shyness to the fact that she's an only child.
As an only child, she says, you have no one with whom to compare your behavior. You don't know if what you're doing is "normal."
I'm the youngest of three. My brother and sister are much closer in age to one another than they are to me. They hated each other growing up. I was Switzerland. But I agreed that I also want more than one. Which really means two. I think Victoria would ideally like three. That would be fine too.
Now our first is on the way. How far along? What is it? Are we ready?
We should be ready, or at least ready to get ready. We had already started looking into adoption after choosing not to try invitro. We had been trying to conceive for more than a year with no luck. Victoria had scar tissue from a surgery she had back in college that was getting in the way. The doctor wasn't very optimistic that removing it would lead to a successful conception, but it was the first step toward invitro. We had the tissue removed, then decided not to go through the long, seemingly painful process with no guarantee of success. We had long before decided that we would adopt at least one of our children anyway. We assumed that we would have one biologically, and then one or two adoptive. After no success conceiving, we just adjusted our plan.
The room is warm and humid. I grab my glasses to focus on my wife's face. Concern? Excitement? It's 2:30am and she's holding a plastic wand in her hand.
"...it's positive!"
Huh?
"Look. It's positive!"
Awake now, I know how badly Victoria has been wanting to get pregnant. I don't want her to be disappointed if the test turns out to be wrong, so I slip into Realistic Rob, almost negative, "Before we get too excited, we should be sure. It could be wrong."
The second one was postive too. And so was the third. We were pregnant.
Victoria and I had met nearly ten years before that night at a hospital - when a mutual friend was having a baby. A little boy. A little boy who, nowadays, isn't all that little.
After six years of dating we finally got married. We both knew that we wanted children. It was a regular topic of conversation. Kids, vacations, and how was your day. Victoria definitely wanted more than one. She attributes her shyness to the fact that she's an only child.
As an only child, she says, you have no one with whom to compare your behavior. You don't know if what you're doing is "normal."
I'm the youngest of three. My brother and sister are much closer in age to one another than they are to me. They hated each other growing up. I was Switzerland. But I agreed that I also want more than one. Which really means two. I think Victoria would ideally like three. That would be fine too.
Now our first is on the way. How far along? What is it? Are we ready?
We should be ready, or at least ready to get ready. We had already started looking into adoption after choosing not to try invitro. We had been trying to conceive for more than a year with no luck. Victoria had scar tissue from a surgery she had back in college that was getting in the way. The doctor wasn't very optimistic that removing it would lead to a successful conception, but it was the first step toward invitro. We had the tissue removed, then decided not to go through the long, seemingly painful process with no guarantee of success. We had long before decided that we would adopt at least one of our children anyway. We assumed that we would have one biologically, and then one or two adoptive. After no success conceiving, we just adjusted our plan.
About three weeks away
Now we're a little more than three weeks away from her due date. The pregnancy has been normal and free of complications. There was a lot of concern in the beginning because of Victoria's "advanced age" - (which sounds so funny because she's 35, but I guess that's over the hill in pregnancy world) and because of all of the difficulty we had conceiving in the first place.
We've been attending a variety of classes recently. They're interesting, informative, bizarre, frightening... With all of the potential problems, safety issues, illnesses, and accidents, it's amazing that anyone lives past the age of three! The last class we went to shows forceps and vacuums sucking babies out of their comfortable maternal homes. Crazy. The whole thing is just crazy to me.
There is so much I've never even had to consider in my life before: besides all of the obvious stuff like cribs, diapers, bottles, and tiny clothes; there's burping, latching, pumping, soft spots, strollers, cord care, car seats, a seemingly endless list that will grow with each inch of his height.
Oh yeah, did I mentioned that we're having a boy? When we found out that we were going to have a baby, I truly didn't have a preference. I would have been happy with either gender. Really. But once we found out, and we started shopping for stuff, it occured to me that boys have much cooler toys. The hard part, though, is naming him. We came up with lots of girl names. Girl names were flying out of our mouths like an infant's projectile vomit. For boy names, however, it's like verbal constipation. Adding to the difficulty is the fact that no one has anything positive to say about the names that we do choose. They love to tell us about every negative connotation and association they have with each name. I gotta tell you - it's not helpful. I don't care that a little boy with the same name wouldn't kiss you when you were six! That doesn't help me! We try not to tell people about the names we're considering - just for that reason, but then they harp on you, "You haven't even narrowed it down? You're not even considering any at all?" Then you look like an idiot for not having any names yet. So you cave. Then they go on about how much they hate the name. This process has been repeated about once a week for the last four months. Totally stupid.
We've been attending a variety of classes recently. They're interesting, informative, bizarre, frightening... With all of the potential problems, safety issues, illnesses, and accidents, it's amazing that anyone lives past the age of three! The last class we went to shows forceps and vacuums sucking babies out of their comfortable maternal homes. Crazy. The whole thing is just crazy to me.
There is so much I've never even had to consider in my life before: besides all of the obvious stuff like cribs, diapers, bottles, and tiny clothes; there's burping, latching, pumping, soft spots, strollers, cord care, car seats, a seemingly endless list that will grow with each inch of his height.
Oh yeah, did I mentioned that we're having a boy? When we found out that we were going to have a baby, I truly didn't have a preference. I would have been happy with either gender. Really. But once we found out, and we started shopping for stuff, it occured to me that boys have much cooler toys. The hard part, though, is naming him. We came up with lots of girl names. Girl names were flying out of our mouths like an infant's projectile vomit. For boy names, however, it's like verbal constipation. Adding to the difficulty is the fact that no one has anything positive to say about the names that we do choose. They love to tell us about every negative connotation and association they have with each name. I gotta tell you - it's not helpful. I don't care that a little boy with the same name wouldn't kiss you when you were six! That doesn't help me! We try not to tell people about the names we're considering - just for that reason, but then they harp on you, "You haven't even narrowed it down? You're not even considering any at all?" Then you look like an idiot for not having any names yet. So you cave. Then they go on about how much they hate the name. This process has been repeated about once a week for the last four months. Totally stupid.
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